maybe tis is wad i wan

maybe tis is wad i wan..... to let him hate me, to let him wont wan to look for me or stop thinking about me..... as i had make him n her broke up ....... nw they r fine n im here dripping bleed on d floor........ i noe there wont hav a machine to rewind everything to last time...... i noe is time to stop all tis stupid things n move on. i had make a fool out of myself in front of them n i guess they wont be my fwen/s wif me as they will think im a bitch...... who noes if im dare to love again as tis is d 1st time dat i had hurt myself thru love. tis is making me dying i really dunno wad can i do or wad to do . hope i can jus let everything go n dun c them forever if nt i really dunno wad can i do . he will be leaving us soon on d 27 march. tis will be d last time i c him n i hav no other reason to look for him anymore as i had messed everything up . there isnt any turning point at all for me . for him i dun think he will dare to look for me any more as i noe he loves her a lot n is more den me. i can feel dat his love towards me arent more den hers . i noe if i keep holding on im d only 1 dat is suffering n they will be happy enjoying their life...... so d only solution for me is to stop everything stupid n move on ! maybe i will find someone love me or maybe not i still hav to carry on my life no matter wad....... i noe i will be very upset nw..... it will feel btr some times ltr. hope tis will be d last time i post something so emo. i really dun like to cry..... but all memory jus keep flash bak n its making me upset n i noe i cant do anything to make him mine again as i had tried n i make him miserable . he dun even text me since den..... i noe that those happy times will always stay wif me jus dat i cant take it y he choose to stead wif me n nw i fall so deep n he jus left me like nth had happened to us! whenever i saw him it makes me think of d times we are tgt. hope after he left i wont hav tis feeling or maybe i will miss him more ..... i noe its time to let go ! i really hav to let go ! i really hav to..... hav to...... wish they can last long n be tgt till d end ! those he cant do wif me he can do wif her.! i always wanted to c sunrise n he nvr bring me to 1 n he brought her ! i wan soft toy frm him , he didnt giv me n he giv her. i noe i will nvr win her ! she has his whole heart ! really hav to stop all tis le ! ! I CAN LIVE WITHOUT HIM !!!!!

15/3/14 2am

Had tried it. I tot it would be salty but it is tasteless. He wondered y I am like tis n I told him previously oso like dat. N he got nth else to say. We had a sip before start. I dunno how to start it maybe his intention was to chat a bit den start n I was too 猴急to start everything. He said he had no energy to had d 2nd time but 1st time we had it we had 2nd time. N it hurt me too. I tot he dun like me dats y he do tis but den I realize dat he was drunk. After he got drunk he still will think for himself if it's me I will let it be. 

9/3/14

We had it again . He asked me out to buy his stuff at popular n went for a drink n k at civil centre . He chased me out again. 

6/3/14 unforgettable day

Had meeting in d morning before meeting went for hiring wif Vanessa n theviya. After d meeting we went to Vanessa hse to have steamboat after dat went to civil centre for k . Maxing Samantha lipping n boss oso go. It's really fun ! After dat went to his hse n he said he haven hav sex since he left me n we had 2 times in dat nite. Jus dat he wasn't dat gentle any more as he said we won't be tgt only sex . I won't mind but I think he won't look for me in a while guess by nxt week or month he will look for me.