Ytd was the 1st day of new module at ITE East, travelled about 45mins down and almost 2hrs back home. 

I came out of the wrong exit and wasted some time there, if not I won't be so late for the lesson. Bought dinner to campus but lecturer advised to eat something light and not something that will dirty the room. Only the attended class for 1 day and I feel like I am a zombie for now, plus 2day is my 2nd day period, really feel like dying. Lucky manager is not around,  hopefully later I can go to the printing room n read comic . 🤭

Normally I would take company transport in the morning to office but this morning the bus was earlier than expected and when I was waiting for the traffic  light and I saw my company bus turning into the bus lane n I called the HR to wait for me awhile n they waited for me. I'm really grateful for that. I was wearing my bluetooth before on-board, when we were on the elevator the HR was gossiping with another HR about me. I can hardly hear them, I think their conversation were like if I'm late I would rather take public transport. I wasn't late, plus I was waiting for the traffic light, how long could that be ? 2-3mins? If that very late ? 

Asked you if you are free to have dinner together and you said OK but when the time is nearer you didn't tell me you cannot make it and i have to ask you then you tell me. Why do you have to wait for me to text you then you tell me this and that ? 

Shouldn't have asked you in the first place.

Early morning brought my eldest daughter for her dental appointment. After the dental appontment, she told me that she wants to eat cabonara so we went to Sheng Siong to buy the ingredients needed and went home. Brought some ingredients to make some mini pizzas so i am lazy to cook, i can just bake the pizza for me n children to eat. 🤭🤭

Easy lunch. Love it when children are not disturbing me while I am cooking. 🤭🤭

 seriously!! why cant you be more auto abit !! if u are not feeling well and you know that we are going to share food, why didnt you tell me or use the sharing chopstick? now i am fallen sick then when i pass the virus to my children and who gonna take care of my children when they are sick ? are you going to take care of them for me ? 

Bought children for a swim and found out that there was an event going on, the admission was free and there are quite a few games that we can play. One of the volunteer told me that this event only held once every year 1 week before national day and only 5 swimming complex will be selected once year.

Hope next year our side will be chosen again, it was a fun afternoon spending time there. 🥰

finally getting better

Eldest daughter has been sick for the pass 1 week and today finally can take in some food. Cooked Japanese curry rice and miso soup for the family.

 also need to change job, very sien. always because of no one taking care of the children when they fallen sick. really hope someone can help to take care or they wont fall sick easily.

Moving into our new flat

 It has been a long time since i last posting blog. We just moved into our new bto in end May and we really love it here although there are a lot of the owner still renovating their flat during the weekend which we are unable to rest well but it's ok. Everyone are anxious to have their own spcae.

Ah beng asked me to ask customer for the address.  He ask me 2 times but I didn't know that once he update the address he will dispatch. Then later at night when driver went to the customer location and customer asked to deliver after office hour n ah how ask who agree on that n I owned up. This is not what I have to do. I only do for LM n now I have to do for FM n yet I still get scolding. Who the hell will know how their things works. Still keep give me 🤦‍♀️this face. As if I know everything. Knn. Stupid bastard.

rebounding

Finally get to rebound my hair. 

its been a long time since u last accompany me and kids.

u didnt even wan to help me with house chords or taking care of kids even if u know im heavily pregnant.

when will all of these end?

when can i really sleep with peace?

Keep goin in to malaysia during night time plus nvr inform me dat y u hav to go in. It's ok la. I'm jus a person to tc ur shit n u can jus simply go out n enjoy. U piece of shit only know how to enjoy n let me suffer. No wonder u hav no money to giv me whenever I ask for it. Since u like to go in so much jus go in n ask dat person to hav sex wif u lo. I'm not gonna entertain u any more

Whatever I do it will be forever my fault. Buy food to your work place for u n ur fwens but in the end wad I get? A slap n ask me to disappear . Jus because I didn't separate out the chopstick into diff bag. Now dat crazy person ask me not to come bak . Ya lo everything is forever my fault. Ya la all against me la. Y not all kill me btr? Once I die no one will goes against ur will any more.. or maybe once I die u guys will be more happier. 

I'm always a nobody. Wan to spend some time with you oso hard. Simple msg u oso won't send. I'm always the one who wait. Do u noe dat I'm sad? Hell no cus u dun care. Jus a call or text from ur fwen to ask u go out u will always say yes n I ask u go out wif me n u still have to consider. My time is always not time n yours is precious.
So wad if I dun hav much fwen? Does dat mean dat u can go out as n when u like n throw our children to me to take care them alone? So wad if they sleeping ? He free time always nt wif me.

its ok. i wont care about what you do outside anymore so u better don't come and ask me what am i doing. since this is what you want then let it be. i dont need your love also. there is no such thing as love forever. love will fade and it will turn to responsiblility. thats when everything change include love and trust.

its been a lot long since i last sleep over at parents house. love the feeling of no responsibilities. feel so carefree.

if only i can stay here forever.

You never will understand what I want. Even if I tell u u also will forget. 

Everything is always my fault

Whatever I said is always wrong whatever I said is always bring up the past if u didn't even do will I have something to say ? How many hours u need to be outside? Whenever ur fwen ask u out u will go even if u work 7am in the morning but when I ask u to go out wif me n u tell me u work 7am u cannot go out. So who is more important. Even if ask u being daughter for check up oso can say I nid to work when d day before u went out late n wake up late for the appointment so isit my fault ? Ya I'm bringing up the past again. Whatever I say is past cus when u did something did I say a thing but when I do u will say me n when I use u to compare u will always have excuses to say. So I'm always in the wrong.

Say I nvr trust u but wad did u do to let me trust u ? When ever u said tings dat u will do in the end nvr do. So wad got debt ? Can u pay everything 1 short ? Oso nid time to do so so y nid to rush ? Since u have been poor for the past 22years y change nw ? Still say by tis year wan clear everything. Who do u think u r ? U think u earn a lot uh? Knn den throw baby n house chores to me . Every day come bak from work jiu play game/use fone den sleep. Didn't even wan to talk to me or interact wif kids. Ya lo we all are air can't see ma dats y no nid interact.

knn who the fuck you think you are? why do i have to keep listen to you? everything you do is right? things you cant do then don't say. always use words and no action still dare to say me.

knn it's not the first time i asked you to take care baby and what else will you do? most important things are always your sleep, games and most importantly your friends !!! what more will you do? ask you to wash toilet and what you told me " see my mood" . wow then don;t keep tell me when we have our own house and things la hor when you didnt even do your things !!

ask you to take care you don't know she is sick cause you was too tired and slept the whole day while she's having fever !! "i thought she was hot and bring her outside " knn today lagi best you never help her bath !! you didnt bath after you went out and come back home you already will go mad and other is like what? nothing and i know! cause what else will you care?!

went back home cook for you even when im tired and what else you did? just sit inside the room using FB somemore use 2 phone on FB who the heck you trying to contact??!!! its ok la im always nobody to you ma its ok la . its not the first time you said it.

1st time carrying Jamie while she is sleeping. Finally got the chance to do so . although she is a bit heavy but I still can manage to carry her for quite a while.  so happy !! plus we 1 family go out for dinner n walk . love this feeling .

Told me no money yet u keep cab to camp 

When u work did u help to tc or u sleep half way I wake u up to help ? Knn I alr very tired yet u dun Wan help. Got time for u to rest dun Wan rest den when I come Bak I tc n u sleep knn . Play game play game all u noe is game n buy things n wad else do I hav time for my own things ? Wan to play game or watch show oso dun hav time n yet u can still play game  knn

All are just words . Go out less ? Still the same la . You at home like not at home , sleep till you shiok then help . I don't have to rest la ?! Knn . Always sleep so late for fuck ? Ask me to rest then wake me up again . Knn

Lies n more lies? Just continue ba. You think I believe it? Forget it. Nth matters. U like to go out wif gals go ahead. Won't bother me anyway. Let it be.

Jus do wad ever u like la . I won't care anymore 

Told u I'm nt feeling well yet u still Wan to go out . Stop think u r important . No one will care 

Seriously who am I to u ? Jus nothing ba . I'm tired of everything . I'm tired . I don't want to cry to sleep again . I don't want this kind of marriage. I don't want. 

Just do wad ever u like ba. Nothing matters to u anymore. Forget it ba. Nothing will change

It's ok la . I'm jus nobody . U nvr care anymore . I'm jus a free maid . Free sex doll. A person u can lay a finger on . 

Won't tell anyone my things anymore. No one will care . I will jus keep it to myself. Depression ? Soon ba 

Broken heart

U nvr really care about me any more . Alright, anything happened to me I won't tell u any more . My things doesn't matter to u. Even if I'm sick u iso won't care . Thanks for letting me noe. Won't bother u wif my things again . No guy really will care about me . U dun even Wan to spend time wif me . It's ok . Won't bother u again . 

Jamie bd

Dinner time I ask u to wake up but u called us to eat den after I packed everything @ 1am den u wake up n ask for food . Heat up urself la . I dun Nid rest uh ? U missed d 1st time n nw 2nd time . It's ok . Next time won't call u for event . U only will attend ur fwen de Ma . We r jus nth 

Get in return

Always use fist to settle things . When can u stop using dat ? I jus can't leave . I jus dun bear to leave . Tis is wad in return

I'm jus a person who u can hav sex n nth else . U dun even care about me . All u Wan is jus sex. 

Nvr even help to tc baby yet Everyday go out till late night den come Bak n sleep in d morning . Knn. I alr can't sleep at nite n morning I Wan to sleep n u snore like nobody business . How am I goin to rest ? Seriously how Long more can I tolerate ??

Everyday go out. When will u stay home n help me tc baby ? 1 more coming out n by den u still like dat den I hav to suffer till when ? When can I go out wif my fwens wif no baby ard ? 

why are you rushing back? why do you think that he will leave his friends to accompany you home? do you think he still care? do you think he still love you? please don't be stupid any more.

i rushed to buy you a gift and wish you could go home with me is because i wanted to see the happy face when you saw the gift but it's ok that you don't care.

i know im just a nobody. i will just stay as nobody. i wont do anything more then that.

Few days ago I saw his text says hey baby to other Gal. I noe its nt d 1st time he text other gals but I jus cannot take it .  Maybe dats d reason y I can't sleep when I'm here . 

tahan ba~

dun hav the urge to quarrel n talk to u anymore. isit i had change? i noe u had change long time ago. u nvr look at me the same way u used to look at me. u nvr talk to me d way u used to talk to me. idk wads wrong with both of us nw. u keep goin out to look for gals n left me alone at home while i nid u d most. goin to be father of 2 yet nw u wan go separate ways. of cus u wan nah . dun hav to take care those 2 ma. u only wan to play den y from the start u wan to form a family with me n now throwing me aside? im really feeling upset to see u this way. we used to be so close. after we had a family everything change . after zw came in things got more worse den ever! he keeps jio u out for drink n dats when more things happened. am i really hav to endure all this shit? do i really hav the courage to face  wad u had done outside? can i really carry on like nth happened? idk either. i do hav feeling too fyi. u can talk to others so gentler yet so violent towards me. am i really a person for u to bully? i really wan n wish i hav the courage to walk away n dun care about anything to u but i jus dun hav d heart to do it. i may hav d thinking but i jus dun wan to leave cus i noe this is jus d beginning of our life. i noe we can walk through this hard time tgt but u keeps hurting me n pushing me away , i really don't know how long more can i really tahan. hope i can tahan longer den i think.  

Always d unwanted one. Any gal will be btr den me . I'm jus a nobody . Anyone can play wif me . Thanks 

lesson learnt

No one in this world will always treat you like princess or prince forever. I once believe you will change for me but i don't think so now. I once believe love but now where are there? I will love myself more from now on cause no one will really care. 

Once i wish to enjoy every moment with my love but they never really want to spend time with me. Maybe i'm too sticky. i will spend more time with myself then with you.

I once want to enjoy the view of sunset and sun raise with the one i love but he was too busy with his life and after we broke up he brought his new girlfriend to enjoy the things i wanted so much. 

Current one. I told him i wanted to go eat something new yet he was there with his friend enjoying the food i wanted. 

I was once so depend on you now I will learn to be alone. Do everything alone. Everything there will be first time doing. I will learn from my mistake. I really don't know if i stay is really a good choice as you show me you don't care about us anymore. You even keep doing things i don't like. I guess we both had changed. 

Lesson learnt:

Not to depend on others too much. Spend more time with myself. No one will ever really care how you feel cause everyone is selfish. 

US

i know we are drifting apart. i know you are just running away from me. i know you don't want to see me or even contact me. understood. i wont find you again , even if there is urgent matters. i will learn to survive by my own. you are just pushing me away. maybe it's a sign that you really don't want me any more. i will learn. i know you had been contacting some girls. even if i ask you also wont admit it. should i continue to stay or leave? am i really can survive with out you? is there still love between us ? i really don't know. anyone can tell me what should i do to improve this situation? i really don't want to leave, i don't want to be alone again. can everything back to how we used to be? i wish there is nothing wrong with us.

I hav so much to say but whenever I'm wif u i became speechless. I hav feelings too . Y always ignore me ? Y always fierce me ? I jus Wan to talk to u. I jus Wan to noe wad is happening ard u. But u always nvr Wan to tell me. Nvr Wan to share ur things wif me . I missed those time whr u will tell me everything n we can talk for hrs but nw we hardly talk plus u always dun Wan tell me . Even if I'm beside u I dun even noe wad r u thinking about. Always ask me to fuck off dun irritated u dun touch u. U r d only person I Wan to talk to I Wan to noe more about u . I noe u r stress but idk wad stress is it. Told u I dun like u to do something yet u always do . Baby is ours y u nvr help to tc ? I Nid rest oso. I Wan to go out oso. Y u cannot help? We Long time nvr talk le Sia. When can we have small talk again ? Waiting for it to happen....... Dun think it will happen

Alr told u I dun alike u to go but u still go. Yeah of cus la there got gals to c n touch ma. U like wad. Can even hav sex wif u . I'm jus nobody. Keep goin lo.  Will leave soon

Lovebite

On 11 Jan nite I came home n he wasn't at home n after he came home sleep awhile n went out again. He got d lovebite on dat day n tell me it's other day cus he went drinking wif fwen 3x Tis week when I'm nt ard. After when he went out I checked his clothes n I smelt ladies perfume n dat nite we had sex n I saw dat n he told me its I make but I didn't den he said dat day went drinking wif fwen n he fallen asleep n he didn't noe it. Sry I dun buy dat story I'm jus dun wan to quarrel again . Cus dat nite u came bak woodlands quite early but nvr come home I guess u went her Hse ba . If nt ur bed skills won't improve oso. Still dare to say is u watch porn n u alr noe how to last longer in sex but y previously u didn't do it ? All r bullshits. U even went out wif other gal when I'm taking care of baby . Asked u whr u went n u didn't say meaning nt even went shopping n eating Liao lo it must b something else n u didn't wan me to noe. Asked u so many questions n u say dunno but when I ask when hav lovebite n u remember wow.

After I came bak although everything looks normal but I still can't believe u. So many things to suspect . Ur fone nvr leave ur sight. 

Angry

It's hard for me to believe dat u had noe 2 new things about sex . U nvr used to noe how to last long during sex and how to ride u. After quarrel for about 2 months n Tis is wad u show me . Cool n u said u noe all these things long ago but we had been tgt for how long ? 1yr plus n u nvr show all these . N one more thing is u went to pub n came home wif a lovebite on ur neck n d only thing u tell me is u fallen asleep b u dunno someone gave u lovebite. Yeah all these things sound so normal uh . 

So desperate for gals n keep texting other gal plus say u r single when u r nt. Seriously am I stupid or maybe I jus dun wan to wake up . 

I always believe in u but r u saying d truth idk. U say u n mx went movie n he has free tickets for ip man but he still used his MasterCard for discount. Yea went out wif other gals n jus anyhow bomb ur fwen . D moment u said ya mx I alr noe it's nt him . It's ok la u like her den go ba I can't do anything . No wonder u keeps wanting me to leave 

I really dunno wad should I do ? Wad I do to deserve Tis?! Seriously who am I to do? Am I jus ur punching bag ? I'm human being nt punching bag !! Within 6 days n it happened again . Ya la everything my fault lo wad ever I do u oso will say wrong . 

Nobody

I'm jus a nobody to u who can hit me , ignore me. Am I really ur wife? Seriously I dun no. Who can tell me wad can I do? Y do I have to go through tis? Who can save me ? 

Nvm la . Since u like to tell others ur things n my things den go tell ba I won't tell u my things any more . Say go find fwen slack den their gf come nid entertain uh . Since u like to talk to gals den go lo. Say a bit jiu nt happy nvm I won't tell U my things . Nt worth d quarrel . U oso dun love me anymore . Tell u nt to do yet still do . Nvm la . Everything my fault lo

I'm jus a nobody whr u can say go away n dun follow me . Seriously , was an I to u ?! Y should I listen to u ?! Y am I still staying here ?! Y am I crying ?! I really dun understand !! Anyone can explain to me ?? Or am I jus overthinking?

Lesson learnt

In Tis world no one will help u except urself . No point asking someone to help cus everyone is selfish . No point hurting urself cus no one will care . No point depend on someone cus dat someone may betray u hurt u n destroy u . I've learnt my lesson . Only myself won't betray myself . I hav my own life to live . Y should I care wad other ppl say or how they act . 

Nt ur family member forever won't be de . I will work hard to earn my own flat . 

We had been tgt how long n u still dunno wad I will eat meh ?! When I eat white de.  Knn still can say I say . Dun eat btr

Baby baby fair at expo

Went to expo on 14 June 2015 to buy jamie's stuff. We bought baby pram n avent single pump set. Almost half of d money were spent on these 2 items !!

I'm really happy dat hubby really buy me d pump as d pump is quite ex.

I hope d pram is good cus is I choose . I hope they will like it oso cus I oso nvr ask for their opinion . So far d pram is still ok.

Jamie is about 1 month old. I'm really happy !!

1st baby born .

On 19 may 2015 , Jamie Toh was born. She was 2.865kg. Wad a big sized baby. She was very guai. I went in d deliver suit ard 1pm+ n delivered her at 3.20pm.
Morning ard 9+ d pain already started n it jus gets more n more pain n getting closer each time!! About to labour d pain was unbearable, it feels like u r goin to poop but it's a very big poop dat nid a lot of strength to push it out !! If there were camera in d suit I really wanna look at d playback as how I managed to gave birth. It must b very terrifying to c it .
After delivered I was able to c Jamie n she didn't cry when I carry her !!

1st day home n she is still adapting d new environment . But she still can eat a lot !! D day b4 we discharged she can eat up to 1 1/2 bottles of formula !! Wow big eater !! Same as her dad! Like father like daughter !! Wahahaha

On 21 may finally I hav milk to feed but it's jus too little to feed. I will try my best to giv her more !! I found out when I was about to bath at nite n I was very happy n I told hubby about it ! Tmr I shall breastfeed Jamie !! Feels so anxious about it !!

心灰意冷

Seriously I really dun understand or know how it happened. How can u add someone on fb n u won't noe. Seriously . Plus both r gals ?! Is dat even possible ?!! Yes I dun believe it cus I can't do it so I dun believe it am I wrong wif dat ? Ask u to show me n u said ' if u dun trust me den dun talk to me' ! Am I in d wrong ? Dun talk jiu dun talk. Seriously when I nid someone who is there for me ? No one. So ?! How u wan me to trust u ? U oso nvr care for wad I nid when I'm pregnant. U jus wan d baby. Maybe jus maybe after giv birth I will leave . Since tis is d only thing u wan  den I will leave it to u. I can b alone .

Nvm clothes dun wan wash I can wash myself . Dun like me ? Dats ur problem !!

he has been in camp for a week n we had quarreled 2x over small things. 1st time was about dun use ws den 2nd was about work. seriously work  is work i noe wad i hav to do n nt to do . i had work there for so long i noe them n they noe me so they wont bully me jus dat they hav to treat me a little diff cus nw im pregnant . although i dun feel anything change only me who had change as im pregnant n i cant do a lot of things like carry heavy things, walk fast. almost all d stations i had tried only d fries n batch cook nvr cus all heavy things. really wish dat after i giv birth n they will giv me a mgr post as i nid money. mgr pay is a lot for me as crew pay is very little to support 3 ppl. hope by den everything will does as i planned. i wish to hav our own hse by 2018 cus i really dun wan my baby to sleep wif us in a small room n we dun hav any privacy . i noe dat owning a hse will hav to spend a lot of money so i really nid dat pay . i haven discuss wif him yet but i hope he will agree wif me too hehe !!! when he book out den i will discuss wif him, after i start work baby seems to b less active n i dunno y . isit cus of i focus on work n didnt notice dat she had moved? im really scare anything might happened to her . heard from alvi n shirley dat by screening can check d weight of baby so nxt check up i will ask d doc about dat cus a lot ppl say my baby very small but d doc told me everything are fine so i assume she is growing healthy inside my womb  . hahahaha 

 

Surprised

He told me dat he will accompany me to collect my fone on 3rd as he changed his schedule wif fwen but he surprised me wif it on 1st instead.  Haha . I'm really surprised dat he will go dwn n help me collect. He ended early dat day n went dwn to amk to collect it.

Idah Urlilbabe
shaqidah !!!
who d fuck is she??
bibi still wanna sexting wif her!!!
OMG something is really wrong here !!
i cant confront him if nt he will noe dat i had been into his acc !! i shall nt ask him about tis 1st.
ask him when he off ba .

went over to his hse n stayed over . when he was goin to bath i had a though of checking his iphone n he went bak into d room n snatch away the fone n set password. after dat still can tell me is a surprise for me so jus wait n c lo. Previously keep text other gal n deleted all d conversation . guess he scare i will check his fone ba. if i were to noe who dat bitch is i cfm will make a big fuss out of it! got 1 time his fwen slip out n said something about 3rd party n his face changes n keeps very quite!! i might nt say but i noe wads goin on ard me . i will observe how u treat me ! btr dun let me dwn .

Didn't went to work as I'm having fever n ivyn went alone. There is a new guy joining us at tamp . So looking forward to c him as he is new n I can make new fwen too ! Haha!! Boss had increase ivyn's pay as he can help a lot n I'm nt helpless in other term. 😅😅 but who cares ? I'm happy wif wad I hav nw . Haha. 

lost....

maybe i should start nt to stick too close to Ivyn cus i think is no good for me n i noe it long ago jus dat i didnt want to care as i hav no one to talk to n hang out. im a loner but i guess i hav to start to look for a job as i am jobless for about 2months. i had been choosy for quite some time. when i choose job they oso are choosing me . i understand dat jus dat im keep running away as i tot i can always go bak to mcd as n when i like n nw i can nvr go bak to be like last time . the time i had in mcd is passed. nvr can go bak any more not an more. had ask rong bao to help to look f or job but i keep rejecting it. maybe i jus dun wan to be so close to him . had jus ask sy to help me ask if her side still nid ppl as i think the job over there isnt dat hard for me but is there really a job is nt hard in this world or im jus dun wan to do? i had been working more den  5 yrs n suddenly i had nth to do n im lost , i dunno wad to do or wad should i do！hope i can get a job n let everything bak to normal .

saw a blog post dat was on 2009 dat i wish someone could buy me a ticket to Joey Yung's concert n i was granted this wish on 2013 when he brought me to her concert . it was fun but for her concert she was speaking Cantonese all way which he wasnt so happy about. but i missed those time where we can go anywhr tgt n spend time tgt n nw all those time had past . it can only be memories , a good memories for me . dats all i can say. im really happy had he can be part of my memory. =)

2 dreams dat i had dreamed about him.

Actually tis morning nid to accompany him to his match but i was overslept n by d time i woke up d match was  over . d 1st dream dat  i dreamed was he went to bed wif a gal n i happened to went up his hse to find him n wad happened next im nt sure cus i was awakened by wad i had saw. D 2nd dream was we were quarreling wif something but wad was it i wasnt sure cus i cant hear a thing. within that few hours of sleep and i dreamed 2 things that had scared me to death !!! Is there anything going to happened to us or im jus missing him that's why i dreamed about him but is it have to be like these kind of dream? really wonder....

Hope everything will be fine n nothing will happened to us !!  

Jobless

Had been teminated frm Mcd cus I had NS for 1week. Went to fish & do but no response frm them. I guess I hav to find other job. Cass got a job at raffles but too far. Sy is bukit batok quite near but nid to keep on talking n hav to torerate customers' scolding. Dunno la. Sien.

FDP

1st time got stain on other ppl's bed. So ps sia. D only thing I did was to bath n run away frm d hse. N his mum had to wash 3 layers of bed sheet. Feel so guilty sia. Nxt time dun wan go his hse Liao la. 

Malaysia trip

Went Over to Malaysia wif aunty Doris n bibi on sat . Went over to eat n den Jiu come bak le. Sun went in to do my nails n we lost our way bak n we stay over at huiqi hse. Quite fun to had a day like dat. 

Transferring out of amk

I guess I will be transferring out on May 1 . Hope I will get btr over there . Cus all those fun ppl had left I oso shall leave tis store. Maybe dat store will be more fun? I will nvr noe until I was there. Chiu Ming told me dat he heard something frm somewhere n dat person had complaint about me . Nvm I guess I noe who cus when I was bak wif him u r like oops..... Haha. U will nvr get tis type of fwen in ur life . U will nvr experience wad I am experiencing or goin through. Only noe how to say about others y nt say about urself. B!tch u will nvr ever win me! If dat time I nvr help u will u get d highest score in d test? I doubt so. 2side face. C how long u can survive . Only noe how to say about others bad , r u doin a very good job? Nt really so pls jus do ur own things can le. 

31/3/14 we had once n it makes me hurt but on 13/4 he improved a lot n it doesn't hurt me any more. He was rite dat for d 1st it might get hurt n  after dat I will be enjoying. I really enjoy it. Haha, on 13/4 if I wasn't tired I think we can hav it for d whole nite w/o resting. I tot he could come over but he can't. Nvm I shall nt think so much on tis.

12/4/14 last time meeting

Maybe tis will be d last time we r meeting. I won't forget about u. U always in my heart.
Last time text like couple.

His last day at work

Had again on his last day of work. After he had been smashed at work n we went horny inside d ahu room dat we near start to kiss but after a while I finished my stuff n went home n I went to his hse. He told me dat he was horny bak den jus dat he control it.  

Was thinking about u n u texted me! Wow

maybe tis is wad i wan

maybe tis is wad i wan..... to let him hate me, to let him wont wan to look for me or stop thinking about me..... as i had make him n her broke up ....... nw they r fine n im here dripping bleed on d floor........ i noe there wont hav a machine to rewind everything to last time...... i noe is time to stop all tis stupid things n move on. i had make a fool out of myself in front of them n i guess they wont be my fwen/s wif me as they will think im a bitch...... who noes if im dare to love again as tis is d 1st time dat i had hurt myself thru love. tis is making me dying i really dunno wad can i do or wad to do . hope i can jus let everything go n dun c them forever if nt i really dunno wad can i do . he will be leaving us soon on d 27 march. tis will be d last time i c him n i hav no other reason to look for him anymore as i had messed everything up . there isnt any turning point at all for me . for him i dun think he will dare to look for me any more as i noe he loves her a lot n is more den me. i can feel dat his love towards me arent more den hers . i noe if i keep holding on im d only 1 dat is suffering n they will be happy enjoying their life...... so d only solution for me is to stop everything stupid n move on ! maybe i will find someone love me or maybe not i still hav to carry on my life no matter wad....... i noe i will be very upset nw..... it will feel btr some times ltr. hope tis will be d last time i post something so emo. i really dun like to cry..... but all memory jus keep flash bak n its making me upset n i noe i cant do anything to make him mine again as i had tried n i make him miserable . he dun even text me since den..... i noe that those happy times will always stay wif me jus dat i cant take it y he choose to stead wif me n nw i fall so deep n he jus left me like nth had happened to us! whenever i saw him it makes me think of d times we are tgt. hope after he left i wont hav tis feeling or maybe i will miss him more ..... i noe its time to let go ! i really hav to let go ! i really hav to..... hav to...... wish they can last long n be tgt till d end ! those he cant do wif me he can do wif her.! i always wanted to c sunrise n he nvr bring me to 1 n he brought her ! i wan soft toy frm him , he didnt giv me n he giv her. i noe i will nvr win her ! she has his whole heart ! really hav to stop all tis le ! ! I CAN LIVE WITHOUT HIM !!!!!

15/3/14 2am

Had tried it. I tot it would be salty but it is tasteless. He wondered y I am like tis n I told him previously oso like dat. N he got nth else to say. We had a sip before start. I dunno how to start it maybe his intention was to chat a bit den start n I was too 猴急to start everything. He said he had no energy to had d 2nd time but 1st time we had it we had 2nd time. N it hurt me too. I tot he dun like me dats y he do tis but den I realize dat he was drunk. After he got drunk he still will think for himself if it's me I will let it be. 

9/3/14

We had it again . He asked me out to buy his stuff at popular n went for a drink n k at civil centre . He chased me out again. 

6/3/14 unforgettable day

Had meeting in d morning before meeting went for hiring wif Vanessa n theviya. After d meeting we went to Vanessa hse to have steamboat after dat went to civil centre for k . Maxing Samantha lipping n boss oso go. It's really fun ! After dat went to his hse n he said he haven hav sex since he left me n we had 2 times in dat nite. Jus dat he wasn't dat gentle any more as he said we won't be tgt only sex . I won't mind but I think he won't look for me in a while guess by nxt week or month he will look for me. 

sam n cm had talked to me about forgetting about higher nitec as if i nvr succeed in higher nitec i will be wasting 2 years n 3 years in poly so they suggested to take up a private course outside and work full time in mcd as to save some money for d course dat i might like. i feel like y nt give it a try as i had alr wasted 2yrs before jus dat i will be getting a private diploma of 10k+ for a course dat d course might take up one or one and the half month to complete my course in order to get d cert. if i can get d cert n get pay i wont mind jus dat it will be more tougher den in sch as in sch they teach more on knowledge while private is more on projects. quite a lot of ppl said getting a private is more easier to get d cert but i hav to waste my money on tis cert for over 10 grands . isit worth it? i realy dunno. sam had shared dat her studies wasnt dat good so she choose tis path to get a cert on private which she is goin to end she course soon. if i were to choose the same path as her will i succeed like her? will i fulfill wad it is entitle? will i be able to cope wif work n projects at the same time? i really dunno

i dun hav to get transferred out if im a assistance mgr n cm said dat i wont get transferred if i can outshine thiviya n i said i cfm will do btr den her ! hope i can !

U think u r btr den me? U can do everything by urself uh? U think I octopus? If u can u do la when I was busy wif so many things yet u didn't even wan to help. I oso noe dat things is down did I didn't help? I nid to look after l2 n am I running production? No wor den? Knn nxt time u work I won't work. Since u so outstanding ma . So be it! Try me somemore

Who d fuck do u think u r ? So wad if ur sis bf is tis store rm?! Dun mess wif me hor! Knn

my feelings

this few days keep goin out n hav fun . went out outing wif huiqi, ivyn and kaisheng. meet in d morning n huiqi was late cus of traffic jam. after meeting at cwp we went to 888 to hav our brunch. after dat all went home to take our things n went to haw par villa . after dat went to nex to hav our dinner n after dat we went to 888 fairprice to buy some beer n snacks to slack at ivyn hse. after slacking den we all went home as all hav to work but im d luckiest as i work in d evening. tis few days i keep drinking n i used up all my money n i had to lent frm my mum. really bad. had failed my exam n i cant continue my study as my result is really very poor . hope i can get to higher nitec without waiting for 1 yr . really hope i can !!!

D scar

Tis scars will always remind me of how stupid I am on dat day! I will nvr forgets

24 nov 2013 i will nvr forgets about u !

i will nvr forget about tis day whr i got d scars on my arm !
d scars are awful n i dun like it ! i really dunno y am i so stupid n use d tong to put d metal thing in d oil in d batch cook vats ! im so so so stupid !! i will nt forgive myself for being so stupid ! hope d scars will disappear but i will always remember it on my heart !

Working m3 n boom again

I scream or shout doesn't mean I'm really angry or wad jus dat I nid to let out some of my angers, I will b fine after dat. Seems like it isn't d 1st time u saw me tis way n I really hav to learn to control dat. I should n I will! Jus learnt how to drawer change n do some of d service. Nt bad nt dat hard but I really dunno y LP said its hard?! Quite easy nt dat hard at all. Maybe I will get wad she mean nxt time as I didn't get d full stress nw. But even if I do I dun think it will be hard on me haha. Seems like quite a lot managers dun like LP. Haha

25 anniversary amk

Late for work n I took cab dwn waste money again. I was in d kitchen before goin to d DK . Didn't go for break when working n after work went dinner wif LP, Mery, huiqi n Doris. D event was okie but a lot of attachment staffs. Looks crowded frm outside. Took some pics but nt using my fone. Saw his family n they seems nt to look at me or talk to me even d baby. Hmm okie... Fine.... Haha..

Lonely ba

feeling lost

i feel so lost. i really dunno wad to do or wad can i do ! i noe dat keep on running away is nt a solution. i hav to go bak to sch n hav a normal life again ! i noe dat jus dat i really dun wish to do those things again n again . i felt like i dun wan to do all these things again .. i dun wan to study,work or stay home . i wish i hav lots of money so  i can run away from home run away from this play to other place whereby no ppl noe me or a place i dunno to live. i wanna start a new life ! if only i can . really dun wish to stay here n remember all those sad things dat had happened to me tis few months . i really cant take it. no one can help me even myself . all those r important but i jus dun wan to do it . i dunno la . lost in my own world le. hope i can get out of it soon , it had to be fast as it goin to d end of d year soon, exams coming real soon and i didnt even started on d revising. yeah nid to start revising ......

Guys r d same??

All guys are d same. Tot dat he would like me but I was wrong. I'm d one maybe or I just Dun wan to be left alone? I dunno. Maybe I'm too lonely Dats y. I should get used to tis feeling as No one will stay by ur side forever or even awhile. Understand.

When they noe u they will keep on talking to u but when they noe new gals they will change their attitude towards u. Or maybe I'm Nt even worth. Maybe.... maybe..

Do I really like him? He is d 1st guy that I'm comfortable wif. I can be myself when I'm wif him but I dun think I like him. I only noe dat I can find him n talk if I hav any problem. Hope he will keep his mouth shut of wad I had told him. 

Managing service area. Handling customer

Tis is my 1st time managing service area after being a manager. I'm panic n scare I will do things wrong or did something dat is nt suppose to do. But lucky I'm still okie with it. Things went okie but I feel stress when they keep on calling for manager n I can't help to do anything. I did try to help to solve some of the problems. Don't have enough ppl to do tis n dat making me a hard time n others oso. 1st time managing a angry customer as wanted to order a large coke but he had queued at the food collection area n he keeps can't get his order ordered. He was very angry. I didn't did a good job in tis part as I study service n yet I'm nt doin a good job in tis. Really d 1st time contacting wif real ppl n real situation. Hope the next time I will do a better job!!!! I find it interesting to work as a manager le as it is more challenging. Haha . Had learnt how to change CO2 tank as I wanted to learn it long time ago. I will ask. More questions now. Alvin oso said I'm playful. Haha. 

Went out for movie

Went out for a movie wif Ivyn for d 1st time. He went to buy iPhone 5c den went to buy fone cover n screen protector. After dat we went for d movie insidious chapter 2.

Thinking too much

U think too much liao la. Who do u think u r?  He is his a fwen to u. Dun even think about it. Dun wish to let it happen again. I really can't take it

Lost interest?

Maybe I had lost interest in study. Keep on dun Feel like Goin school but Just few more months n I will be Goin to higher nitec. Maybe I'm Just too Lazy. Tmr I will wake up n go school de

After so long nw I'm starting to watch my shows again. Long time nvr watch my dramas le. Feel so good . Even though I noe there is something missing but I will find something to do or think of something to make it okie. =) 

Weird dream

Dream about him n we had sex n I ask him about her age. O.o siao sia

My dream

I dreamed about him again. Tis time I was laying beside him n I ask him is he wif serene den I dunno wad he said weekdays n weekends. After dat I awake. -.- maybe I still can't forget about him. Still nid some time to forget about him .

8/9/13

Went for a drinking session wif Amy,ks,Ivyn,nh me. Ks was d 1st to dwn. He keep vomiting ard d place n Ivyn had to clean d place. He was very pekcey . Keep asking ks to sit up all dat. He even hit him on d face. Very scary but we had fun after all. Maybe next time we can hav tis session again after some time. I oso vomited quite a lot. True dat after vomiting I feel btr. Even injured my leg. Ks lost his cigg n Ivyn injured his face. Nh a bit gone case but still can manage to bring me n Amy home. After reaching hm I went inside room n sleep.