why are you rushing back? why do you think that he will leave his friends to accompany you home? do you think he still care? do you think he still love you? please don't be stupid any more.

i rushed to buy you a gift and wish you could go home with me is because i wanted to see the happy face when you saw the gift but it's ok that you don't care.

i know im just a nobody. i will just stay as nobody. i wont do anything more then that.

Few days ago I saw his text says hey baby to other Gal. I noe its nt d 1st time he text other gals but I jus cannot take it .  Maybe dats d reason y I can't sleep when I'm here . 

tahan ba~

dun hav the urge to quarrel n talk to u anymore. isit i had change? i noe u had change long time ago. u nvr look at me the same way u used to look at me. u nvr talk to me d way u used to talk to me. idk wads wrong with both of us nw. u keep goin out to look for gals n left me alone at home while i nid u d most. goin to be father of 2 yet nw u wan go separate ways. of cus u wan nah . dun hav to take care those 2 ma. u only wan to play den y from the start u wan to form a family with me n now throwing me aside? im really feeling upset to see u this way. we used to be so close. after we had a family everything change . after zw came in things got more worse den ever! he keeps jio u out for drink n dats when more things happened. am i really hav to endure all this shit? do i really hav the courage to face  wad u had done outside? can i really carry on like nth happened? idk either. i do hav feeling too fyi. u can talk to others so gentler yet so violent towards me. am i really a person for u to bully? i really wan n wish i hav the courage to walk away n dun care about anything to u but i jus dun hav d heart to do it. i may hav d thinking but i jus dun wan to leave cus i noe this is jus d beginning of our life. i noe we can walk through this hard time tgt but u keeps hurting me n pushing me away , i really don't know how long more can i really tahan. hope i can tahan longer den i think.  

Always d unwanted one. Any gal will be btr den me . I'm jus a nobody . Anyone can play wif me . Thanks 

lesson learnt

No one in this world will always treat you like princess or prince forever. I once believe you will change for me but i don't think so now. I once believe love but now where are there? I will love myself more from now on cause no one will really care. 

Once i wish to enjoy every moment with my love but they never really want to spend time with me. Maybe i'm too sticky. i will spend more time with myself then with you.

I once want to enjoy the view of sunset and sun raise with the one i love but he was too busy with his life and after we broke up he brought his new girlfriend to enjoy the things i wanted so much. 

Current one. I told him i wanted to go eat something new yet he was there with his friend enjoying the food i wanted. 

I was once so depend on you now I will learn to be alone. Do everything alone. Everything there will be first time doing. I will learn from my mistake. I really don't know if i stay is really a good choice as you show me you don't care about us anymore. You even keep doing things i don't like. I guess we both had changed. 

Lesson learnt:

Not to depend on others too much. Spend more time with myself. No one will ever really care how you feel cause everyone is selfish. 

US

i know we are drifting apart. i know you are just running away from me. i know you don't want to see me or even contact me. understood. i wont find you again , even if there is urgent matters. i will learn to survive by my own. you are just pushing me away. maybe it's a sign that you really don't want me any more. i will learn. i know you had been contacting some girls. even if i ask you also wont admit it. should i continue to stay or leave? am i really can survive with out you? is there still love between us ? i really don't know. anyone can tell me what should i do to improve this situation? i really don't want to leave, i don't want to be alone again. can everything back to how we used to be? i wish there is nothing wrong with us.

I hav so much to say but whenever I'm wif u i became speechless. I hav feelings too . Y always ignore me ? Y always fierce me ? I jus Wan to talk to u. I jus Wan to noe wad is happening ard u. But u always nvr Wan to tell me. Nvr Wan to share ur things wif me . I missed those time whr u will tell me everything n we can talk for hrs but nw we hardly talk plus u always dun Wan tell me . Even if I'm beside u I dun even noe wad r u thinking about. Always ask me to fuck off dun irritated u dun touch u. U r d only person I Wan to talk to I Wan to noe more about u . I noe u r stress but idk wad stress is it. Told u I dun like u to do something yet u always do . Baby is ours y u nvr help to tc ? I Nid rest oso. I Wan to go out oso. Y u cannot help? We Long time nvr talk le Sia. When can we have small talk again ? Waiting for it to happen....... Dun think it will happen

Alr told u I dun alike u to go but u still go. Yeah of cus la there got gals to c n touch ma. U like wad. Can even hav sex wif u . I'm jus nobody. Keep goin lo.  Will leave soon

Lovebite

On 11 Jan nite I came home n he wasn't at home n after he came home sleep awhile n went out again. He got d lovebite on dat day n tell me it's other day cus he went drinking wif fwen 3x Tis week when I'm nt ard. After when he went out I checked his clothes n I smelt ladies perfume n dat nite we had sex n I saw dat n he told me its I make but I didn't den he said dat day went drinking wif fwen n he fallen asleep n he didn't noe it. Sry I dun buy dat story I'm jus dun wan to quarrel again . Cus dat nite u came bak woodlands quite early but nvr come home I guess u went her Hse ba . If nt ur bed skills won't improve oso. Still dare to say is u watch porn n u alr noe how to last longer in sex but y previously u didn't do it ? All r bullshits. U even went out wif other gal when I'm taking care of baby . Asked u whr u went n u didn't say meaning nt even went shopping n eating Liao lo it must b something else n u didn't wan me to noe. Asked u so many questions n u say dunno but when I ask when hav lovebite n u remember wow.

After I came bak although everything looks normal but I still can't believe u. So many things to suspect . Ur fone nvr leave ur sight. 

Angry

It's hard for me to believe dat u had noe 2 new things about sex . U nvr used to noe how to last long during sex and how to ride u. After quarrel for about 2 months n Tis is wad u show me . Cool n u said u noe all these things long ago but we had been tgt for how long ? 1yr plus n u nvr show all these . N one more thing is u went to pub n came home wif a lovebite on ur neck n d only thing u tell me is u fallen asleep b u dunno someone gave u lovebite. Yeah all these things sound so normal uh . 

So desperate for gals n keep texting other gal plus say u r single when u r nt. Seriously am I stupid or maybe I jus dun wan to wake up . 

I always believe in u but r u saying d truth idk. U say u n mx went movie n he has free tickets for ip man but he still used his MasterCard for discount. Yea went out wif other gals n jus anyhow bomb ur fwen . D moment u said ya mx I alr noe it's nt him . It's ok la u like her den go ba I can't do anything . No wonder u keeps wanting me to leave 

I really dunno wad should I do ? Wad I do to deserve Tis?! Seriously who am I to do? Am I jus ur punching bag ? I'm human being nt punching bag !! Within 6 days n it happened again . Ya la everything my fault lo wad ever I do u oso will say wrong . 

Nobody

I'm jus a nobody to u who can hit me , ignore me. Am I really ur wife? Seriously I dun no. Who can tell me wad can I do? Y do I have to go through tis? Who can save me ? 

Nvm la . Since u like to tell others ur things n my things den go tell ba I won't tell u my things any more . Say go find fwen slack den their gf come nid entertain uh . Since u like to talk to gals den go lo. Say a bit jiu nt happy nvm I won't tell U my things . Nt worth d quarrel . U oso dun love me anymore . Tell u nt to do yet still do . Nvm la . Everything my fault lo

I'm jus a nobody whr u can say go away n dun follow me . Seriously , was an I to u ?! Y should I listen to u ?! Y am I still staying here ?! Y am I crying ?! I really dun understand !! Anyone can explain to me ?? Or am I jus overthinking?

Lesson learnt

In Tis world no one will help u except urself . No point asking someone to help cus everyone is selfish . No point hurting urself cus no one will care . No point depend on someone cus dat someone may betray u hurt u n destroy u . I've learnt my lesson . Only myself won't betray myself . I hav my own life to live . Y should I care wad other ppl say or how they act . 

Nt ur family member forever won't be de . I will work hard to earn my own flat . 

We had been tgt how long n u still dunno wad I will eat meh ?! When I eat white de.  Knn still can say I say . Dun eat btr

Baby baby fair at expo

Went to expo on 14 June 2015 to buy jamie's stuff. We bought baby pram n avent single pump set. Almost half of d money were spent on these 2 items !!

I'm really happy dat hubby really buy me d pump as d pump is quite ex.

I hope d pram is good cus is I choose . I hope they will like it oso cus I oso nvr ask for their opinion . So far d pram is still ok.

Jamie is about 1 month old. I'm really happy !!

1st baby born .

On 19 may 2015 , Jamie Toh was born. She was 2.865kg. Wad a big sized baby. She was very guai. I went in d deliver suit ard 1pm+ n delivered her at 3.20pm.
Morning ard 9+ d pain already started n it jus gets more n more pain n getting closer each time!! About to labour d pain was unbearable, it feels like u r goin to poop but it's a very big poop dat nid a lot of strength to push it out !! If there were camera in d suit I really wanna look at d playback as how I managed to gave birth. It must b very terrifying to c it .
After delivered I was able to c Jamie n she didn't cry when I carry her !!

1st day home n she is still adapting d new environment . But she still can eat a lot !! D day b4 we discharged she can eat up to 1 1/2 bottles of formula !! Wow big eater !! Same as her dad! Like father like daughter !! Wahahaha

On 21 may finally I hav milk to feed but it's jus too little to feed. I will try my best to giv her more !! I found out when I was about to bath at nite n I was very happy n I told hubby about it ! Tmr I shall breastfeed Jamie !! Feels so anxious about it !!